“Why do you sound that way?”

“You’re out of tune!”

“You dance like a crazy horse”

I’ve loved theater for the longest time. I love acting and just going crazy on stage. One of my favorite roles was playing a crazy lawyer with cerebral palsy in my college years. It was so challenging but I had the best time doing it! I’ve been in and out of theater since I was young, and my love for it never died down. After years of just missing the stage, I finally decided to join another theater workshop this summer by 9 Works Theatrical. Yep, I signed up for for the adult beginners class of Stage Camp 2012.

Complete attendance! :) Love you guys!

I was more than excited on the first day, but as soon as our teacher, Topper said something about us singing, I LOST IT. Stupid of me for not checking properly before joining, I had no idea I joined a musical theater workshop. I laughed it off and said that I’d take it as another challenge I just need to face. I’m sure I can manage. So come talent day, I sang a Bryan Adams song… just because I felt I could sing it okay ‘coz Bryan Adams was slightly husky too. It was a safe pick.

But then, production date drew closer and closer and we were now assigned our own song numbers. I was now scared and nervous. The group song were easy, I sang softer than the others so I wouldn’t be heard if I made a mistake. But the solo acts were making me tremble in fear. There were even times I had to hide ‘coz the fear was eating me up and making me cry! :(

I love acting, but singing and dancing are things I do in my own room.I can’t even watch myself dance because I just hate it THAT much! It wasn’t a big deal, and I didn’t really realize it ’till now but I guess all those taunts and jokes from classmates and peers as a child somehow affected my confidence in singing and dancing. I just don’t trust that I can do it, and I was really so scared to the point that I felt like I wanted to just quit and give up. Something my boyfriend said then struck me, “you keep quitting when you feel you’re not good enough at something.” He was right. I never realized it then, but he was right. I was scared. I AM scared. I’m the big girl who keeps advising people to just go for it, yet here I stand, motionless and afraid… scared, trembling and unable to take the risk. I don’t show it, but trust me, the fear exists.

I sing badly. I dance worse. How was I gonna pull this off? …. I can do this. Keep telling yourself that, you can do it Cheryl!

Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting. I think people might be thinking the same, but I swear, just thinking about it makes me cry. Writing about it now relieves me, but the fear is there. I feel my chest tightening and my throat closing up as I share my emotions. I need a hug, like right now! Oh God, I hope I don’t mess up.

My partners in our song number, Stacey and Dess

Words of encouragement from my teachers and peers made a huge impact in me. My 2 partners continue to push me and help me improve. Our teacher and choreographer Anthony Ong said, “Believe in yourself, ‘coz we believe in you!” I wish I could. I need that. I need to trust myself. I need to believe in myself. Cheryl, you can do this!! One of my classmates, Jeanie Tolentino shared this photo on our Facebook Page, she’s right you know? To whoever reading this, take a leap of faith, step out of your comfort zone and watch the magic unfold before you. What do you say let’s do it together?

“You don’t need to sing good, it’s not about the voice, it’s about the emotion… how you express yourself. Stop trying to sound like your classmates.” This was something our voice coach, Felix said during our recent rehearsals. I need to keep this in mind.

Our four awesome and ever inspiring teachers. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! I love you all! :)

I’m inviting you to our show, HERE RIGHT NOW, happening on June 2, 2012, 8pm at the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium.

My classmates sing BEAUTIFULLY! Like jaw dropping! I warn you though that I don’t sound as good, and I might even look silly trying to get the steps right… but I’m doing it and I’m gonna give it all that I can. and I think that’s the important thing.  I’m gonna worry less of what people might think and I’m just gonna go for it. Just watch me… I’m doing this.

It’s time to get back the confidence I lost several years ago.

For more info on our show or to follow my weekly blog about it, check it out on WhenInManila.com

Weeks 1 and 2: http://www.wheninmanila.com/stage-camp-2012-from-9-works-theatrical-week-1-and-2/

Week 3: http://www.wheninmanila.com/stage-camp-2012-by-nine-works-theatrical-week-3/

Weeks 4 and 5: http://www.wheninmanila.com/stage-camp-2012-presents-here-right-now-a-one-night-only-cabaret/